We began trying to conceive on our honeymoon and were so excited about starting a family. Four months later we were pregnant, but the joy was short lived. After a couple of agonizing weeks, it was determined that the pregnancy was ectopic (implanted outside of the uterus). I was lucky, I suppose, that it was detected early and surgery would not be required. I was given an injection of a chemotherapy drug, which stopped all cells in my body from dividing…including our baby’s. We were devastated. After waiting for the half life of the drug to be out of my system and for my cycle to return to normal, 6 months had passed before we were cleared to try again. Six month later I realized that my period was a little abnormal and thought, “what if?” I had a routine doctor’s appointment coming up, so I decided to take a test beforehand. It was positive. We were stunned and knew not to get excited. It was ectopic again, and I was a few weeks further along than last time. I was able to do the injection again and this time was a bit easier emotionally because I knew what to expect. We tried again for a few month after getting the doctor’s clearance, but thought we should be a bit more proactive. We went to a fertility specialist to find out if there was anything we could do. He immediately suggested invitro since my tubes were the problem. This was not what we wanted to hear because it involved choices that we did want to have to make. As a result of the first blood test, we discovered that we were both carriers for a defective gene that can cause cystic fibrosis. Natural conception would mean a 25% of our child having the debilitating disorder. The doctor suggested selective implantation (test the fertilized embryos and only implant the ones that tested negative-destroy the rest). No way.

The Spiritual Part
I have felt called to adoption for a few years. I felt strongly that it was God’s plan for us to adopt, but wasn’t sure if we were to have any biological children. After the loss of our first baby, this calling became stronger and we really began to talk a lot about it. We thought if I was every going to carry a child, better sooner that later (ticking clock, etc), so we decided to try again. At some point I stopped praying to get pregnant and started praying for a child, a family. What’s funny is that I never really pictured myself pregnant. When I dreamed about our family, it was always an image of us sitting in church, holding a baby, but not a newborn. After the loss of our second baby, we began considering adoption very seriously. My only concern is that I didn’t want to look back on my life and think that I may have had a chance to experience pregnancy and birth. I didn’t want to wonder “what if?”…so we consulted a fertility specialist. I got my CF results first and was told that Mark would have to be tested. “Don’t worry,” they said, “It’s only an issue if the husband is a carrier too and that’s very rare.” My heart sank. I knew his test would be positive too. We had to wait a few days for his results. In the mean time, we decided if he was positive, we’d move straight to adoption. We’d been praying for God to make His will know to us. I prayed specifically that we would not have to spend years of our lives and thousands of dollars pursuing pregnancy if it was not His plan for us. Mark’s test was positive. We couldn’t ask for any more of a decisive answer that that.

Not surprisingly, I haven’t felt a peace like this in a long time. I am so happy God has made us in His image and has given me an amazing partner in life’s journey. We are thrilled to pieces to be working toward bringing our baby home from Ethiopia and look forward to many blessing to come.

** Update: We arrived home with our daughter in early December 2010...and are loving being a family. She is such a joy and blessing!